"No problem!"

It's been busy since my summer class started, and we're now halfway through. It's been hard to be away from Carter so much, though I really love teaching in the summer. The first week of classes was hard on Carter. He just wasn't used to me leaving every day, and he would pretty much wrap himself around me and cry. Michelle would have to pry him off me, and he would scream and sob while I drove away. But after a week, it's much better. Now he walks me to the car, and though he's sad to see me go, he talks about where I'm going ("Mommy go to teach her students"), and knows that I'll be coming back soon.

He also knows where Doug goes ("Daddy go to work in the office building" or "Daddy fly to New York in the airplane up in the clouds"), and always makes a point of noticing which car he drove to work. It's interesting that he's now old enough to understand things like that. We can tell him something that's going to happen tomorrow, and the next day he'll start to expect it to happen. His concept of time doesn't seem to extend beyond tomorrow, though we talk about things happening next week and such.

His language is always growing, but something that seems new lately is that he is able to reason through lots of fairly complex situations. He can remember things that happened several weeks or even months ago, and will talk about them at length. He'll talk in long run-on sentences that encompass several topics, and you can almost see the wheels turning in his head. He will now answer direct questions with verbal responses, which he didn't really do before. He will also hedge his answers with things like "No problem" when the answer is actually yes but he wants it to be no. For example, if he has a poopy diaper or if it's bathtime and he's not quite ready, he'll say "no problem!" instead of refusing outright. It's interesting that he's already learned that it's impolite to say "no" when it's clear that the other person really wants you to do something.

As I'm writing this, he's alternately singing songs and reciting dialogue from his favorite TV shows. It's especially interesting that when he says words in Spanish, his accent is perfect! We're going to South America in August, and it will be interesting to see if he picks up any more Spanish then. I'll also be interested to see his reaction to seeing me speak Spanish! I don't think he's ever heard me speak Spanish, other than the occasional counting.

He has no real interest in the potty yet, so we're waiting. People keep telling me that when they're ready to do it, it's easy, and I am far too lazy to push it before he's ready. We don't have any outside reasons to push potty training, so we're still in diapers. Since we use cloth, it's not like we have the extra expense of buying them, so it's not a big deal. :-)

Here are some pictures from the last week or so. This one was posted on Facebook last week, so some of you have seen it. I heard this little voice saying, "Mommy, I'm stuuuck!" and when I came around the corner I saw Carter with the potty seat around his neck!



It was hard to get off, too. Here is the obligatory messy face picture. I never got why these pictures would be cute until I had a child of my own! He likes my Bucatini, which makes me very happy.



He's still very interested in construction, lawn, and farm equipment. Home Depot provides lots of free entertainment along these lines:







We recently got him a bubble mower, and he LOVES it! The first day we got it, he wanted to sleep with it. He even wanted me to nurse it! He loves this thing.



He loves machinery and will spend as much time as he can studying it and messing with it. This sometimes has unexpected results, as I found yesterday morning. I'm not sure when he managed to pull the keys off of this laptop, but he did a good job:



I love that he's so curious about things! It was kind of fun to figure out how to put it all back together, actually.

I'll finish up with some pictures from the 4th of July. We went to a party where there were lots of kids around Carter's age, and he seemed to have a good time playing.





Happy July!

Nov 10: Mommy Guilt, part 2, with a side of letters and numbers

First, this is the tenth day of NaBloPoMo, and I've managed a post every day. One third of the way there, woo!

Yesterday was a crazy/busy day for me, and I ended up working until 2:00am trying to get caught up with everything. Doug is gone, so I had to let Carter play on his own pretty much the whole evening, and by the end of the night he was getting a little frustrated that I couldn't pay attention to him as much as I usually do. I hate having to work when he wants to play, but that's just part of the teaching gig, unfortunately. You bring work home, a lot.

This morning I left for work before he woke up, and then around noon Michelle sent me some pictures of what they did this morning. First they went to storytime at Book People (a really awesome local bookstore here), where Ms. Stacy led the storytime off with a singalong:



Then they went to Zilker park (Austin's big central park) and played and rode the train:



Here is a picture of Michelle and Carter on the train:



She said he kept looking for my car the whole time, and when he saw a silver car he'd say, "Mommy car!"

I don't know whether to call this Mommy-guilt or sheer jealousy. I'm so, so thrilled we have such a wonderful nanny who takes Carter to fun places and does everything I'd do with him if I were home, and I'm so glad he has so much fun when I'm at work. But wow, I wish I could be there with him. It makes me miss him so much, while I'm simultaneously happy and excited that he's getting to do cool things.

And I know I shouldn't complain -- I get two whole days a week to spend with Carter. and I get to take him to swimming lessons and parks and all sorts of things. And you know, I love my job, and I wouldn't give it up -- but at the same time, I would love to give it up and spend all of my time with Carter. It's such a weird feeling!

This evening we went to Barnes & Noble to hang out and play. They have a coffee shop and a fantastic kids' area, complete with an awesome train table, so it's a fun place to go. Carter likes flipping through books and playing with things, and he's not yet old enough to ask for stuff, LOL. I get Christmas gift ideas from watching him, too, which is good.

Here's a picture of him playing at the train table:



He impressed a random person with his chatter about tractors, bulldozers, and trains. She asked how old he was, and seemed surprised by the answer. But hey, he loves his vehicles!

He was also doing a lot of counting while we were there, all of it "one, two, five". He will point at each object in turn, and count, "one, two, five". Heh. At least he's counting! We'll work on the details like getting the numerals right later on. He can also identify a few alphabet letters, which always catches me off-guard. He picks out Os, Xs, and Ss quite a lot. Tonight we saw a sign with a sideways K on it, and he called it an X, which I thought was interesting. He was pointing to another sign and saying "triangle" over and over, and it took me a minute to figure out he was pointing at an A. I guess it does look like a triangle, huh? So we're on our way to learning letters and numbers! I'm not doing anything formal with him on any of this (and neither is Michelle); we just encourage his natural interest when it comes up, and it seems to be working.

I'm writing this while Carter is eating dinner (and typing as fast as I can, LOL). He hasn't willingly touched a vegetable in over a week, and tonight he devoured an enormous amount of peas, carrots, and green beans. Go figure! Along with 3 whole veggie nuggets (like chicken nuggets, but soy), and then asked for "more chicken". Some days he's a picky eater, and some days he's not...

Morning goodbyes

Carter has been clinging to me and crying when I leave in the mornings lately. This morning was particularly bad. I know he'll be fine, but still, it's SO HARD.

This is relatively new, and I know it's a developmental phase and totally normal. I also know it's a GOOD sign, that it means he has a solid attachment to me and is upset when I leave because he recognizes me as his mommy and caregiver, someone he loves and needs. Until a couple of weeks ago, he would fuss a little when I left, but Michelle could engage him in something else pretty easily. Lately though, she's said he wants to sit in her lap and cuddle for a while after I've gone, that he seems really sad about it. So it's suddenly extra hard, which is difficult for both of us.

I don't believe in sneaking away when your child isn't looking, so I make a point of saying goodbye and giving him a hug and a kiss. IMO, if you sneak off when they aren't looking, the message they get is that Mommy (or Parent) could disappear at any moment, and they can become more clingy because of that uncertainty. It comes down to an issue of respect, generally. I know he will be upset when I leave, and I respect his feelings. Sneaking away when he's not looking would seem dishonest, but it would also seem like I am saying that I don't recognize that me being away from him is hard for him, that's it's not important enough to me to let him know that I'm going.

On top of that, I feel strongly that you shouldn't squash or deny kids' negative emotions. (My biggest pet peeve is when a child falls down or cries for whatever reason, and the parents immediately say, "You're okay!" without even stopping to consider why the child might be crying. As if your child is incapable of deciding for himself when he's okay and when he isn't! How is that helping him learn to grow into an independent, confident person, yanno?) When you do, the message they get is that emotions are bad things, things to be avoided at all costs. I am especially sensitive about that issue for boys.

So my goal here isn't to find a way to stop Carter from crying when I leave, because that wouldn't fix the underlying issue he is struggling with -- that he is upset when I leave him. I want to find ways to reassure him that I will indeed come back, and that I miss him too. It may just take time. I'm not sure.

But walking away from him while he's struggling in Michelle's arms and crying, "Mommy no go!" is probably the worst moment of my whole day. :-(

Of course, when I come home, the response is sheer joy, which is great! Until recently, he would smile when I came in and run over for a hug, but then go back to whatever he was doing. Now he squeals, runs to me, asks to be picked up, and immediately asks to nurse. I've always heard other moms say that their baby gets a look of delight on his/her face when they lift their shirt to nurse, and until now I've never seen it. When Carter sits on my lap and sees that yes, he's about to get milk, he gets absolutely giddy!

So this phase has its advantages and disadvantages, as they all do.

Doug has been out of town all week (he comes home tonight, yay!) and so it's just been me and Carter this week. Carter is at an age where he's really easy to hang out with, not terribly whiny or clingy or fussy, and happy to play independently for long periods of time, so this has actually not been that difficult, other than the obvious missing of Doug/Daddy.

It's also finally cooled off a bit here, which means we can go outside, finally. We've been able to hang out in backyard and in the cul-de-sac in front of the house (Carter likes to push his cozy-coupe around), go for long walks, and even go to restaurants with outdoor play areas. I've been wanting to explore some of the many parks around Austin, and so the other day we went to one I'd heard good things about: Rattan Creek Park. They have just recently rebuilt the playscapes, apparently, and one was nicely toddler-sized. Now that school is in, it's nice to be able to go to parks and not worry about Carter getting run over by bigger kids. Here are some pictures from our visit the other day.





They have a gorgeous hiking trail that's about a mile long and follows Rattan Creek. I didn't have a stroller, but decided to see if Carter and I could just walk along it together.





As you might have already guessed, this was sort of like walking a cat. Carter went where he wanted to go, didn't necessarily stay on the path, and frequently stopped to check things out. That was fine, as we didn't have any particular need to go all the way down the trail, but it was an interesting experiment. He finally got tired and started saying/signing "home", which I took to mean he was ready to go. It was a nice park, and I think that next time I'll bring the stroller or a carrier so we can go for more of a walk.

Now that I'm getting into the rhythm of the semester, I'm really enjoying working part-time. I have Monday mornings and all day Wednesday and Friday to spend with Carter. I typically work during his naps, and that helps. I'm trying to get myself to the point that I don't have to stay up late and work after he goes to bed on Monday and Wednesday nights, and I'm getting there. I love teaching, and I'm enjoying both of my classes this semester. It's just enough time away to satisfy my need to be around grownups, and I feel like I especially enjoy my days with Carter because of it.

We have swimming lessons on Wednesday mornings, which we both enjoy. Carter loves the pool and spends the whole time smiling and laughing. Sometimes we eat lunch at home, and sometimes we go out. I'm trying to find all of the restaurants in town with play areas, and I've found quite a few. We went to one (Waterloo Ice House) this morning for breakfast, actually. They have a playscape and a sand pit with lots of toy cars in it, and it's all fenced in. I'm looking forward to taking Doug there, so we can relax with a burger and some beers while Carter plays.

Here are some cute videos from one night this week. I decided to follow him around with the camera for a while to see what would happen.

I got him a little doll stroller after he spent hours playing with his cousin Matti's stroller when we were in NC. As much as he loves that stroller, he doesn't want anything to ride in it. He just likes to push it around and occasionally crash it into things, as you see here. Though this one is mostly him pointing out the wall he just crashed into.



I'm sure I've posted a video of him dancing before, but this one is really cute. When Doug isn't home we'll often listen to music and run around the kitchen, and he will stop and dance when a song he really likes comes on. If you watch closely, you'll notice he's keeping the beat of the music fairly well. I guess those music classes are paying off, LOL. ;-)



And here he's showing us the proper way to eat an oreo. Oddly enough, he did this the first time he ever had one. To my knowledge, no one ever showed him how to do this, or did this in front of him.



He's recently started asking to watch videos of himself. He knows the videos are on my computer, so he'll point to the computer and say the name of the video he wants to watch. He gives his favorites videos one-word descriptive names, like "Tractor", "Chicken", "Cookie", "Dance", and "Crash". He also knows which keys to touch on my keyboard to watch the video again, or to skip to the next one. Isn't it amazing how quickly little kids absorb technology?

He can name several colors now, like purple, blue, and green. He will occasionally use a color as an adjective, for example, "blue light". I'm not ready to say he can count to 4 or even that he recognizes numbers 1-4, but he will say those when he sees them on the Numbers Baby Einstein video we have. And if I say "one", he will invariably say "two!" but there's not yet any sign that he's actually using these words to represent quantities, or even that he has an inkling of what a one-to-one correspondence is. It will be interesting to watch his pre-math and reading skills develop in the next year. That's going to be exciting for me. :-)

Walking, talking, and swimming!

It is SO HOT here now, which makes it really hard to go outside and play, except in the pool. Luckily, Carter loves the pool and has really taken to his swimming lessons. I'll try to get a video of him swimming this weekend, but this afternoon he was swimming (wearing water wings) a couple of feet from the steps to Michelle. Amazing!

He's really on the move these days, walking and almost running all over the house. He can stand up by himself now and can bend over and pick things up off the floor. Here is a little video that shows that:



He's babbling a lot now too, which you might be able to hear in that video. His babbling is starting to take on inflection, which is really cute. He's learning new words and trying to apply them to everything. Here he is telling me he wants to wear his shoes.



See how he is holding up his foot there? He will also occasionally bring us clothes he wants to wear, and when we take them, will stand and hold one foot up, like he's ready to step into pants. Sometimes he ends up wearing crazy combinations that he has picked out, and it's so cute! I need to remember to give him a choice in what to wear more often, since he seems to be taking an interest now.

This has been an interesting week. Our schedule changed, first of all. The summer class I'm teaching is in the afternoons, so I am with Carter in the mornings and Michelle comes 11:30-5:30. That's a long time for me to be away from him, and I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. Michelle says he signs to nurse when he wakes up from his nap, and he's used to me being around so that she can bring him to me. :-( :-( :-( I feel like I should pump while I'm away, but I doubt he'll drink milk out of a sippy cup. At this point, nursing is more about comfort than about nutrition. He nurses when he needs connection, or reassurance, or when he gets hurt, or when he's frustrated and needs to settle down. A sippy cup of milk isn't going to do any of that. And besides, carrying all the supplies around is a pain in the butt. We'll see how it goes in the next couple of days when I'm really gone all that time (classes start tomorrow). I guess I could always donate if I end up pumping...

This working five days a week thing sucks, heh. I'm already looking forward to fall when I'll only teach two days a week. I love working part-time, but being away from Carter 30 hours a week and most of every day doesn't feel very part-time. (He wakes up at 8:00, so we really only get a few hours in the morning.)

Carter's also about to get some molars cutting through, which definitely makes him cranky. I feel like I've been saying that for months now, but I could actually see them right under the surface today. Some nights it really disrupts his sleep, and other nights it's fine. Poor baby. It must be miserable.

To wrap up this post, here is a long-ish video of him going up and down the stairs. He really wants to walk up by holding onto the rail, but that's not yet the most efficient way. Oh, and he signs "bird" in this one, and it takes me a second to figure out what he's saying. I love sign language! It's so cool.

Getting better at walking

Things are getting busy around here as I prepare to teach classes this summer, and will only get busier when classes start next week. I'm going to try to post at least once a week this summer, more if I can help it.

Carter is getting better and better at walking. He almost doesn't crawl any more; he'll occasionally crawl over to something to pull up, and then continue walking, but that's about it. He can stand up in the middle of the floor not holding on to anything, and is doing it more and more frequently. He can also bend over and pick up something from the floor, and then stand up again. He's picking up speed when he walks, and can stop, turn, stand for a while, and so on. It's interesting to watch him get better and better!

Here's a little video I took of him today that gives an idea of how his walking is coming along.



That was at the Austin Children's Museum. We had a lot of fun, and I think we'll start going every week. There were lots of kids there -- it was actually pretty crazy! But it's good for him to get a chance to play with other kids his age.





Starting next week I'll be working in the afternoons and spending mornings with him. We have swimming lessons on Monday mornings, Gymboree on Wednesday mornings, and I'm thinking we'll go to the Children's Museum on Friday mornings. That leaves Tuesday and Thursday mornings to play here at home. This is going to be a big change for me. I haven't worked five days a week since he was born! But they're paying me well, and it's only for 6 weeks. Those of you who work full-time are rolling your eyes now, but this is a lot of time to be away from him for me. :-/

Swimming lessons are going well! It's fun to get new ideas for things we can do in the water. They do stations during the lesson, where each baby spends about a minute doing a different activity before rotating to the next, like blowing bubbles, "jumping" in, pouring water from cups, picking up diving rings submerged on the steps, etc. All the activities are things that are intended to get the babies enjoying playing in the water. Unfortunately, Carter's attention span is a lot longer than a minute, so when it's time to change stations, he's just getting into the activity and is very unhappy when we have to move on. I think he'll get used to it, heh. Or maybe we'll see if we can find a compromise with the instructor.

Carter really likes the pool and playing in the water. Oddly enough, he's more interested in being in the big pool than in the baby pool we have for him.



I'll finish with a funny story from this evening. Carter is a good eater in general, but it can be hard to get a lot of vegetables in him these days. (He could live entirely on fruit and bread.) Doug had a salad when he got home, and he sat on the couch to eat it. Carter was immediately interested and came over to beg for some. Doug gave him a piece of lettuce, and he ate it and kept coming back for more! When one of us is eating on the couch, we're usually eating a cookie or something sweet, so Carter seems to think the food eaten on the couch is the good stuff. Even if it's lettuce, something he would normally toss on the floor without even trying it.

So I guess we need to start eating broccoli on the couch. ;-)

November 17: On being a PT SAHM, cute video

It's Monday morning, and Carter is sleeping on the boppy on my lap, which means I get internet time. I love watching him sleep, having him so close and warm and cuddly. He'll sleep for a solid hour usually, and then he'll wake up and look up at me with sleepy eyes and smile. I can usually nurse him back sleep at that point, for another half hour or so. I love the fact that the first thing he sees when he wakes up is me smiling down at him. :-)

I'm also loving having this much time to spend with him. It's been good to teach a course this semester, and when I'm at work I enjoy it. But I so appreciate the two mornings a week when I don't have to get up and leave him. We snuggle in bed, then go downstairs when we're ready, still in our pajamas. I fix myself some breakfast (and sometimes he shares it), have some coffee, and do some housework while Carter plays in the floor. After that, we play together for a while, and when it seems to be getting close to naptime, I set up my "nursing nest" on the couch with everything I'll need for an hour or two to get some work done: laptop, phone, drink, blanket, extra pillow, remote control, book, etc. And then I have some "me" time while Carter sleeps.

It's so strangely peaceful, so much more enjoyable than I ever expected. I never thought I could be a SAHM, but here I am, part-time, anyway. I like working part-time, I think, having some time on my own every week where I feel like I'm making a contribution to the world and to our finances (and keeping my career options open for the future), but also being able to spend a lot of time with Carter. I hope I can manage to continue this way for a while. Things might change for us, but for now, I'm very happy.

I captured this cute video of Carter last night. He is far more interested in everyday items than in baby toys, of course, and now that he can move around a bit we're finding out what sorts of things he really likes. Last night he really wanted to play with the power strip we use to plug in our laptops. He managed to get to it twice with quite a lot of determination before I thought, "Hey, I should get this on video." And so I did:



And yes, I took it away from him right after the camera turned off! How do they know exactly what things they shouldn't touch? Is it some sort of baby radar?

Those two bottom teeth are really visible now, especially when he smiles. I haven't got a good picture yet, as he seems to be pretty shy about them. He's still getting used to them, and will occasionally bite down on a toy too hard and then cry in pain. Poor punkin...

Nanny update, growth spurt, sitting, and sleeping

Classes start next week, and Carter had a babysitter for part of the day yesterday so I could go to work and start getting ready. He has a sitter again tomorrow. We're also in the process of trying to hire a part-time nanny. I've interviewed one candidate and have one more to go; I hope we can find someone to start next week. The nanny will be here with Carter Tuesday and Thursday mornings and Wednesday afternoons.

I've got mixed feelings about teaching, of course. I love teaching and am excited to have a class again this fall. I love the idea of working part time, just enough to keep myself active in the field and keep my career options open for when I eventually go back full time, but still be able to spend a lot of time with Carter. I'll have two whole days a week with him, plus half days Tuesday-Thursday. With a nanny, I'll feel confident that he's being well taken care of and getting lots of attention, perhaps even more attention than he would get from me. I'm planning to work from home on some of those Wednesdays, and in addition to doing school work get some organizational stuff done around the house. I'm hoping I can find a good balance here, and I'm know I'm very lucky to be in a position where I can swing just working part time.

Carter seems to be growing and changing constantly! He's finally starting to get better on his tummy, as you can see in the picture below. He only recently figured out how to get his arms under himself and push himself up.



I'm not sure how much he weighs now, but I'd guess between 16.5 and 17 pounds. He's definitely gotten longer recently, because he suddenly got too big for most of his 3 month clothes. He now wears some 3-6 month stuff and a lot of 6 month stuff. It's funny how inconsistent the sizes of baby clothes are. Here he is in a 3 month outfit that just barely fits:



And here he is in a 6 month Bailey Boys outfit that only fits him a little bit better.



I had found some cute fall stuff in 6 month sizes on eBay, but now I'm not sure it will get cool enough for him to wear them before he gets too big! I guess I should have gotten 9 and 12 month stuff. :-P

He's getting better at sitting every day. This video is a little dark (it was storming outside), but it shows that he can sit with very minimal support. He's just holding on to one of my fingers here.



He's also getting better with his hands. This video shows him playing with a toy in his high chair. Before I grabbed the camera, he was turning it around and around and studying it carefully, but as soon as I got the camera he went right back to chewing, of course. :-P



Something else he's started doing lately is fighting sleep, big time. We're on a baby-led schedule, so naps happen when he's ready for them rather than at a fixed time. Of course, just because he's physically ready for a nap doesn't mean he wants to take one. I see all the sleepy cues, but any attempt to lay him down or even nurse him is met with resistance. He settles down after a few minutes, but it's funny that he totally understands what's going on and is fighting it.

This has started to happen at night too. I usually try to start getting him ready for bed between 7:30 and 8:30, depending on when he last napped and when he's starting to get sleepy. We go upstairs, have a bath and put on PJs, read a story, and nurse to sleep in the glider. Once he's out, I transfer him into a crib in our room, and he'll usually be fine until around midnight. (He sleeps with me after that first waking.) Just in the last few days he's started to resist going to sleep, big time. As soon as I sit in the glider, he starts to fuss. Trying to read a book only makes it worse, and laying him across the boppy makes him really get unhappy! He'll literally wail pathetically and nurse at the same time for about a minute, and then he'll settle down, as if he's thinking, "Oh, this is actually kind of nice after all." And then he'll fall asleep really fast, after all that drama. :-P

Doug says he gets that from me -- I've always had a hard time going to sleep at night. So when he's fighting it so hard, I feel for him. I know what it's like to need to go to bed but really, really not want to! :-)

He's really fun to nurse these days. He smiles and plays, and looks around and gets distracted. For a long time he would just lay there and nurse and not really show any emotion, but now it's like a time that we really connect with each other. He's gotten very efficient at nursing, and usually only nurses for 5-10 minutes every few hours. It's funny how at first it seemed like he could nurse 24/7, and now it's something that we don't spend that much time doing. I know that's the way it's supposed to be, but it's still interesting!